Valentine

Directed by Jamie Blanks, Valentine follows a group of college friends, including David Boreanaz’s Adam, Marley Shelton’s Kate, and Denise Richards’ Paige, as they’re stalked by a psycho wearing a cupid mask. Director Blanks, armed with a script by Gretchen J. Berg, Aaron Harberts, Donna Powers, and Wayne Powers, admittedly does an effective job of initially luring the viewer into the progressively lackluster proceedings, as Valentine kicks off with a generic yet effective opening stretch in which Katherine Heigl’s Shelley is pursued (and eventually murdered) by the aforementioned psycho – with the movie, beyond that point, progressing into a hit-and-miss midsection that does, to an increasingly distressing extent, contain exceedingly little worth embracing or getting excited about. The film’s arms-length atmosphere is perpetuated by a momentum-free narrative that’s exacerbated by a proliferation of one-note, one-dimensional protagonists, and it’s clear, as well, that the absence of compelling kill sequences (ie they’re all just so tame and by-the-numbers) does little to alleviate the predominantly underwhelming and uninvolving vibe – which, when coupled with an incredibly tedious (and virtually endless) climax, ultimately does cement Valentine‘s place as an egregiously slick, bottom-of-the-barrel slasher picture.

* out of ****