Underworld

There’s little doubt that what should have been a fun and unapologetically tongue-in-cheek B-movie is instead a relentlessly unpleasant fantasy epic, as director Len Wiseman and screenwriter Danny McBride have infused Underworld with a dour sensibility that stalls the proceedings virtually from the word go. The impossibly convoluted storyline, which revolves around a centuries-old feud between vampires and werewolves, has been bogged down with meaningless blather concerning covenants, awakenings, and other such eye-rollingly meaningless elements, with McBride’s efforts at establishing the epic mythology surrounding the warring factions subsequently (and thoroughly) falling flat. The film’s problems are exacerbated by Wiseman’s incredibly hackneyed visual choices, which effectively ensure that even the action sequences, generally the highlight in movies of this ilk, come off as dull and egregiously frenetic. (Enough with the post-Matrix slow-motion shoot-outs already.) Charismatic performers like Kate Beckinsale, Michael Sheen, and Bill Nighy, are given little to do other than glower and strike serious poses, while the admittedly impressive set design is essentially rendered moot by Wiseman’s irritating penchant for bathing every single scene in a James Cameron-esque metallic blue sheen. The final insult comes with an absurdly-padded out running time of over two hours, which is sure to test the patience of even the most ardent fantasy fan and cements Underworld‘s place as a sporadically interminable misfire.

*1/2 out of ****