Transformers

Logic suggests that even the most inept filmmaker would have a hard time turning a movie about enormous fighting robots into an unwatchable and flat-out dull piece of work, but that’s precisely what Michael Bay has done with Transformers. By infusing the proceedings with his infamously over-the-top sensibilities, Bay has essentially stripped the Transformers of their inherent appeal; with the exception of Optimus Prime, none of these robots possess anything even resembling a memorable personality (although one of them, inexplicably, does seem to have overtly “black” speech patterns). Not that the humans fare much better; Bay, along with screenwriters Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, initially places the emphasis on uniformly uninteresting human figures and their respectively dull exploits, presumably in an effort to create an atmosphere of mystery and suspense around the titular creatures. It doesn’t work in the slightest, as talented performers like Shia LaBeouf, Josh Duhamel, and John Turturro have been wedged into wafer-thin characters that certainly conform to overt stereotypes (ie the nerd-turned-hero, the quirky government agent, etc) but absolutely do not come off as actual people. The presence of several attractive but vacuous actors in key roles – ie Tyrese Gibson and Megan Fox – only exacerbates such problems, while Bay’s penchant for pointlessly silly comedic cutaways remains as problematic as ever (Anthony Anderson as a legendary hacker? Really?) And while a few of the early action sequences are admittedly somewhat compelling – with an opening battle at a desert army base clearly the highlight – Bay’s absolute inability to hold a shot for more than a few seconds, coupled with his relentless use of shaky camerawork, ultimately renders the majority of such moments meaningless. This is particularly true of the climactic duel between Optimus Prime (voiced by Peter Cullen) and Megatron (Hugo Weaving), which transpires on the streets of a busy metropolitan area. On paper, such a confrontation surely sounded like a can’t-miss proposition; in Bay’s hands, however, the duel quickly becomes an interminable, unintelligible affair, as even the most eagle-eyed viewer will be left baffled by the overwhelming jumble of computer-generated special effects. On a much more basic level, though, Transformers is simply unable to elicit a sense of awe or wonder in the viewer; there’s virtually nothing distinguishing the film from any other loud and obnoxious summer movie, other than the fact that it’s actually worse than most similarly-themed fare.

* out of ****