Thir13en Ghosts

Based on the eponymous William Castle movie, Thir13en Ghosts follows Tony Shalhoub’s Arthur Kriticos as he and his two kids (Shannon Elizabeth’s Kathy and Alec Roberts’ Bobby) as they travel to a remote estate left to them by a wealthy (and eccentric) relative named Cyrus Kriticos (F. Murray Abraham) – with carnage ensuing after it becomes apparent that said estate actually houses a series of vicious (and violent) ghosts. It’s a workable premise that’s employed to progressively tedious and downright interminable effect by Steve Beck, as the first-time filmmaker delivers a substance-free endeavor that’s been suffused with a whole host of off-putting elements – with, especially, the egregiously slick visuals exacerbating the mindless atmosphere and lending the proceedings a decidedly unwatchable feel. And although Beck has elicited fine work from a surprisingly strong cast, Thir13en Ghosts moves into a bizarrely stagy midsection that seems to revolve entirely around the characters’ exploration of the admittedly impressive sets (ie it’s all just so relentlessly stagnant). The headache-inducing and aggressively obnoxious special-effects extravaganza that closes the picture effectively (and definitively) cements its place as a wholly underwhelming bit of early 2000s horror filmmaking, and it’s clear, certainly, that there’s a reason Thir13en Ghosts has been relegated to justifiable obscurity in the years since its release.

* out of ****