Simon

Directed by Marshall Brickman, Simon follows a group of oddball scientists, including Austin Pendleton’s Carl Becker and Wallace Shawn’s Eric Van Dongen, as they concoct a scheme to brainwash a college professor (Alan Arkin’s Simon) into believing he’s actually from outer space. Filmmaker Brickman, working from his own screenplay, delivers a smug and mostly intolerable comedy that contains few, if any, attributes designed to effectively capture the viewer’s interest, as the picture sluggishly lurches from one desperate, hopelessly unfunny set-piece to the next with little thought given to consistency or forward momentum – which, in turn, ensures that the 97 minute runtime often feels much, much longer (ie this thing is just endless, for the most part). The movie’s total failure is especially disappointing given the exceedingly talented roster of performers assembled by Brickman, although it’s equally clear that the writer/director essentially squanders the efforts of such first-class players as Madeline Kahn, Fred Gwynne, and Max Wright. (And this is to say nothing of Arkin’s predominantly grating work as the annoying central character.) By the time the hopelessly broad third act rolls around, Simon has undoubtedly cemented its place as a thoroughly misguided and misbegotten endeavor that couldn’t possibly be less compelling or relevant. (What are we to make, for example, of the sequence wherein Pendleton’s character has sex with a gigantic, sentient telephone?)

* out of ****