Nine Lives

While it’d be silly to expect anything spectacular from a horror effort starring Paris Hilton, Nine Lives quickly establishes itself as an uncommonly tedious piece of work in which Hilton’s less-than-engaging performance proves to be its least problematic attribute. The storyline follows several friends, including Ben Payton’s Andy, Amelia Warner’s Laura, and Hilton’s Jo, as they come together for a weekend of drinking and debauchery at Tim’s (Patrick Kennedy) enormous Scottish mansion, with the fun-loving shenanigans coming to a swift end as an apparition named Murray (!) takes possession of one of the guests and starts knocking off the others one by one. It’s a workable premise that’s squandered virtually from the word go by writer/director Andrew Green, as the filmmaker places the uniformly interchangeable characters within a scenario that couldn’t possibly be less interesting. It’s subsequently not surprising to note that the film consists primarily of interminable sequences in which the survivors conspire with one another and creep around ornate yet barely-lit chambers, which probably wouldn’t be quite so objectionable had Green infused the various kill sequences with even a hint of needless brutality (as it is, folks generally croak after receiving a sad little stab wound). Such deficiencies are exacerbated by a serious lack of logic within Green’s screenplay, with Warner’s character surely the most prominent recipient of the movie’s relentlessly inconsistent modus operandi (ie she figures out Murray’s body-hopping scheme almost immediately and doesn’t seem terribly surprised by the whole thing). The absence of a mystery for the viewer to chew on – Green divulges the identity of the culprit right from the get go – stands as the final straw in terms of Nine Lives‘ ability to marginally hold one’s interest, and it’s worth noting that even Hilton aficionados (if there are any) will undoubtedly walk away unsatisfied (her character is Murray’s first victim).

* out of ****