Mega Python vs. Gatoroid

Rarely as much fun as one might’ve expected, Mega Python vs. Gatoroid details the chaos that ensues after the titular creatures start attacking the various residents of a small Florida community – with Park Ranger Terry O’Hara’s (Tiffany) ongoing efforts at quelling the mutated menace consistently thwarted by an animal activist named Nikki Riley (Debbie Gibson). It’s an unabashedly over-the-top premise that should’ve resulted in an entertainingly absurd creature feature, yet filmmaker Mary Lambert, in attempting to cultivate a vibe of unapologetic campiness, suffuses the movie with unconscionably low-rent and incompetent elements that effectively (and immediately) hold the viewer at arm’s length. Ranking high on the film’s list of inept attributes are the performances, as both Tiffany and Gibson, despite the novelty of watching the two ’80s singers interacting, are simply unable to convincingly step into the shoes of their respective characters – with the pair’s unreasonably broad work exacerbated by scripter Naomi L. Selfman’s penchant for eye-rollingly terrible chunks of dialogue (eg Nikki admonishes Terry by exclaiming, “somebody had bitch for breakfast!”) The one bright spot within the otherwise interminable production is the impressively epic cat fight that ensues between the two central characters, as the drawn-out sequence possesses exactly the sort of tongue-in-cheek feel that’s sorely missing from the remainder of the proceedings. The laughably subpar special effects diminish the effectiveness of the movie’s monsters-on-the-rampage finale, and it ultimately goes without saying that Mega Python vs. Gatoroid is simply unable to live up to the inherently captivating nature of both its premise and its title.

*1/2 out of ****