Friday the 13th

Armed with Marcus Nispel’s thoroughly incompetent visuals and an overall vibe of dreariness, Friday the 13th ultimately comes off as an unpleasant, downright needless re-imagining of Sean S. Cunningham’s horror landmark (which itself doesn’t hold up terribly well, admittedly). The movie’s promising opening, which effectively sums up the resolution of its 1980 predecessor, inevitably gives way to a woefully tedious slasher that grows increasingly oppressive as it progresses, as Nispel bogs the proceedings down with set pieces that couldn’t possibly be less compelling (ie the majority of the kill sequences are just lame). And while it’s hard to argue with the simplicity of the storyline (ie a group of young adults (including Jared Padalecki’s Clay and Danielle Panabaker’s Jenna) embark on a weekend of frivolity and are subsequently terrorized by Jason Voorhees (Derek Mears)), the relentlessly dour atmosphere ensures that Friday the 13th ultimately bears more in common with the Saw series than its eponymous inspiration (ie any trace of the goofy fun that defined the original and its nine sequels has been done away with by Nispel). It’s not until the third act rolls around that the film becomes a truly disagreeable experience, as the action moves to the egregiously seedy confines of Jason’s underground lair (which is itself awfully reminiscent of the Sawyer clan’s subterranean bunker from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2) – where the viewer’s inherent disorientation is exacerbated by Nispel’s head-slapping reliance on shaky camerawork. The end result is a hopelessly self-serious endeavor that’s probably no worse than the majority of Platinum Dunes’ aggressively mediocre output, yet there’s little doubt that the film finally comes off as their most disappointing effort to date – as it places an iconic horror character within the context of an almost mind-numbingly dull storyline/scenario.

*1/2 out of ****