Cool as Ice

As laughably bad as one might’ve anticipated, Cool as Ice follows Vanilla Ice’s Johnny as he rolls into a small town and immediately begins pursuing a local straight-A student (Kristin Minter’s Kathy) – with the narrative also detailing the threat posed by two thugs with a mysterious connection to Kathy’s seemingly mild-mannered father (Michael Gross’ Gordon). It’s clear immediately that Cool as Ice has been designed to capitalize on the fame (or infamy) of its musical star, as the film kicks off with a long performance of Ice’s title track and segues into a plot that doesn’t contain much in the way of subtlety – with Ice’s penchant for absurd, almost comically early-’90s fashion almost compensating for his complete lack of acting ability. The heavily emphasis on the era’s cheesiest elements initially (and effectively) compensates for the rather formulaic nature of David Stenn’s paint-by-numbers screenplay, and yet it’s equally apparent that the novelty wears off somewhere around the padded-out midsection (which contains more than one montage of Ice and Minter’s respective characters frolicking) – with the movie progressing into a tiresome final stretch involving the aforementioned two thugs and even a kidnapping. It’s a thoroughly tedious climax that ultimately confirms Cool as Ice‘s place as a best-forgotten relic of the 1990s, with the novelty of Vanilla Ice’s very presence good for a little while but hardly enough to compensate for a seriously uninteresting storyline.

*1/2 out of ****

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