Bullet Train

Directed by David Leitch, Bullet Train follows several assassins, including Brad Pitt’s Ladybug, Joey King’s Prince, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s Tangerine, as they’re forced to battle after finding themselves aboard the title conveyance. It’s a decent-enough premise that’s employed to mostly interminable effect by Leitch, as the filmmaker, working from Zak Olkewicz’s script, delivers a relentlessly frenetic (and utterly exhausting) actioner that’s rarely, if ever, as exciting as one might’ve anticipated – with the arms-length vibe perpetuated by an ongoing emphasis on garish visuals and eye-rolling bursts of comedy. (The decision to infuse each and every character with aggressively off-kilter personality only exacerbates the uninvolving atmosphere, as well.) It’s clear, too, that Bullet Train’s obvious failure stems from its almost complete lack of engaging, thrilling action sequences, as Leitch has hard-wired such moments with an egregiously cartoonish sensibility that drains them of their potential impact – which, in turn, ensures that picture’s larger-than-life climax couldn’t possibly be less engaging (or satisfying). The final result is a predominantly intolerable endeavor that squanders the efforts of a talented cast, and it does seem obvious, ultimately, that the only thing that might’ve saved Bullet Train is a much shorter running time (ie 127 minutes is just absurd).

*1/2 out of ****