Anaconda

Though infused with a palpable (and downright unapologetic) B-movie atmosphere, Anaconda never quite lives up to the promise of its admittedly irresistible set-up – as screenwriters Hans Bauer, Jim Cash, and Jack Epps Jr bog the proceedings down with a myriad of hopelessly dull sequences in which thinly-drawn characters essentially wait for something to happen. It’s subsequently not surprising to note that the film ultimately boils down to a whole lot of nothing punctuated by a few decent snake kills, with the oddly deliberate pace and emphasis on hoary cliches proving instrumental in cementing Anaconda‘s lamentable downfall. The storyline follows a ragtag film crew (which includes Jennifer Lopez’s Terri, Ice Cube’s Danny, and Owen Wilson’s Gary) as they’re forced to battle the title creature while stranded on the Amazon River, with complications ensuing as it becomes clear that the mysterious man (Jon Voight’s Paul) they picked up along the way is almost as dangerous as the anaconda itself. It’s a serviceable premise that could’ve (and should’ve) been employed as a springboard for a fun, creature-featuresque romp, yet the film remains curiously dull and uninvolving for the majority of its running time – despite the inclusion of a few gleefully campy elements (ie Voight’s absurdly over-the-top, flat-out ridiculous performance). Aside from the aforementioned (and all-too-infrequent) death scenes, there’s simply nothing here to hold the viewer’s interest on a consistent basis and it’s ultimately impossible to view Anaconda as anything more than a missed opportunity (although, with its laughable special effects and Voight’s go-for-broke turn, it’s not difficult to see why the film has gained a minor cult following over the years).

** out of ****