Anaconda 3: Offspring

It’s not surprising to note that Anaconda 3: Offspring immediately establishes itself as the weakest entry within this ongoing series, as the film boasts many of the problems and deficiencies one generally associates with the direct-to-video scene – including laughable special effects, underwhelming performances, and a storyline that’s far from compelling. The movie – which, in a rare move for these types of endeavors, actually acts as a direct sequel to its immediate predecessor – revolves around the chaos that ensues after several blood-orchid-enhanced snakes escape from a top-secret laboratory, thus forcing a shady businessman (John Rhys-Davies’ Murdoch) to enlist the services of grizzled mercenary Hammett (David Hasselhoff) and his various cohorts. It’s the sort of set-up that would seem to naturally lend itself to a campy, unapologetically over-the-top bit of escapism, yet director Don E. FauntLeRoy – he of such underwhelming DTV fare as Today You Die and Urban Justice – has infused the proceedings with a number of questionable stylistic touches that only exacerbate the inherently low-rent atmosphere. There’s consequently never a point at which Anaconda 3: Offspring becomes the guilty pleasure it so desperately wants to be, as Hasselhoff’s admittedly compelling performance is consistently negated by the ineffectiveness of everything around him – with the pervasively shoddy computer-generated creature work certainly ranking high on the film’s list of incompetent elements. The final insult comes with a conclusion that blatantly leaves the door open for yet another installment, which, given that Hasselhoff is unlikely to reprise his role, is sure to fare even more poorly than this tedious and entirely needless follow-up.

* out of ****